How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
