So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
