so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
