please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
