I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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