Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize