My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize