Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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