You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
