I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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