I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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