She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
pray to the hookup gods
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
