I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
