I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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