Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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