i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
