You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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