yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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