dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
