me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
