You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You're like the curious george of whores
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
