I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize