I am in a vortex of obligation.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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