Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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