Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
