I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
