wrigley field is MILF paradise
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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