my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
