he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
