they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
