My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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