i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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