Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
