It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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