You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
