Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
