I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
