Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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