just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
