My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
