i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
