I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize