I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
