This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
