Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
