The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i now understand why vodka
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
