Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
