I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
