By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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