Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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