I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
