Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
