he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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