i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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