I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
