Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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