i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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