My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
