I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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