Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
