anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well you can't waste a boner
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
