As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
