i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
