Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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