i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
