I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
