i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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