none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
