UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
accomplished twins. life is a go
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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