Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
