I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
