Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
