The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize