I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize